HEY, SHULAMITE.

Dear Future Wife.

You are truly my rose, the very theme of my song. I’m overshadowed by your love, like a lily growing in the valley!

— SONGS OF SOLOMON 2:1 TPT –

Just like in The Storied Life of AJ Fikry, My close friends like to say that poetry and books have ruined me for real women. I find this funnily insulting because it implies that I only read books with classically romantic belles.

Well, I do not mind the occasional poetry and books with tickled and daydreaming ladies but I want you to know, my taste varies more than that.

For instance, I adore Jazmine from Aladdin and Pocahontas as a character while accepting the fact that either of them would make exquisite girlfriends or even mere casual acquaintances. The same is true for Hermione Granger and Luna Lovegood and Cho Chang from Harry Porter; or Katniss Everdeen from Hunger Games; Emma Allan from Bridal Wars and Allie Hamilton from The Notebook; Paige from The Vow; and Mary from About Time.
All I know is when I read a book or do a writing, I feel all the romantic characters banging into being and becoming incarnate in how I perceive you to be.

The truth is the moment I read my first love story – I started looking for you everywhere, not knowing how foolish that was. Lovers do not just finally meet somewhere – they are in each other all along… And just realizes it one day. Chizzy, yeah??
But I sincerely believe that to be true.

Nevertheless, I think where my friends have a point is, in so far as I tend to take in an overly romantic view of things, I have been known to ignore the signs that something may not work out. So while I feel my days with you will be my most happy and romantic, so while I feel a real connection with you even without knowing you yet… And so while I certainly enjoyed our time together in my imagination; the reality is it takes me a whole week to resolve the hurt of overthinking the day we will finally meet…

I can not move from the present and you can not move from the future. The situation seems irresolvable. And maybe it is not fair to all the people who have expectations of us, or even to us too. I will find all these difficult to say when we are together, so let me just put them into writing.

I am thrilled by how much I want to do this life with you. I imagine this idyllic life where we do laundry, dishes, and chores together. Me helping to loosen your hair and wash it. Leaving poetry and love notes in different parts of the house for you to find. And the many other daily friendship activities that our fond togetherness may throw at us.

I do not know who you are yet, but I want you to know that you are in my heart. My heart, which for a long time has been closed to love, is slowly opening up again, to finding you.

I do feel a sense of closeness to you in some deep unique ways. And it is because I pray for you every day.

I pray for your peace, I pray for ease for you through all life’s struggles and endeavours. And I ultimately pray that, wherever you are in the world, you are locked firmly in God’s will, a model consistent with God’s original design for you. The virtuous woman after God’s heart.

I also pray that my heart is prepared to love you and to receive your love.

You see, there are more than a few things I ought to tell you about me,

I do everything for myself, I learnt life that way and was shaped that way. And so have become a little too proud to accept helping hands.

Also, It is hard for me to accept love.

From myself, from others, and, yes, possibly from you too.

I have never denied myself anything I truly wanted, I buy myself gifts and take myself places and be steadfastly there for myself. It is quite difficult now for me to need anything from anyone.

But I am praying for God to transform my heart so that I will be able to receive it fully and in turn have you as the reception to the lavish outpouring of mine.

I know that of course, God will. And I know that once my heart is ready for that, I will meet you, and then go ahead to give my heart to you completely.

I want you to also know that I have been hurt and broken more times than necessary ( I truly ought to apologize to myself for the things I allow myself go through)

At the moment of writing this, however, I have been put back together, though still fragile — LOL. And there will be some days that are harder than others to be vulnerable. It is in those times that I ask for patience and tolerance. Recovery is something that you cannot do for me. Only I can do it. Only God can do it. I plead for the love of a mother to a child whenever I become this unbearable.

One thing I pledge is to never be unkind to you… Use unkind words to you, be rude to you or make you feel wretched and less of yourself. So help me God

There is something else you should know.

I love you.

I love youuuuuuu!!!!!
I am immeasurably sold out to you.

And my love for you is not just an idea. It is a creed

It is seen especially in how I am saving myself for you.

It indeed means I am saving one of life’s most sensual experiences for our marital couch. Safe, sacred and sanctified.

Is that hard to do? Yes. Is it a daily sacrifice on a lot of levels? Oh, yessssss!!!!

But, yes.

I cherish you enough to wait.

I honour myself enough to wait.

In learning to love myself for who I am, I have realized that I truly am priceless. Worthy. Enough. And I am worth waiting for. On the other hand, I honour myself enough that I am not going to give the amazing gift that I am to just anyone. I am going to save it for you.

Because you are my wife. The woman who I will love forever. The woman with whom I will stand and unite with before God and man, I want to be presented whole and unbroken.

I am going to LOVE YOU fiercely, openly and loudly.

You are going to catch me many times starting at you and without saying a word, my eyes will speak to your soul in such a way that you can not do anything but smile and say to yourself, “I know…I love you too.”

I will bring you into a marriage that is wonderful, lasting and deep. I will build for you a home where you will meet no lack or loss. A place to genuinely call your happy place.

Our marriage is going to be a beautiful union. One that is forever. You, Me and God every day. An adventure that I look forward to. An exciting chapter that is yet to come.

So, although my longings for you are yet to be sated, I have found much comfort in knowing God’s AGAPE love for me. A love that “expresses deep and consistent love”…… of a perfect BEING towards entirely unworthy objects “. A love that is working in me, and transforming me into an unconditional and unyielding lover.

The stories and words I have read or written have helped me feel wrapped in love during a stark and lonely wintry season; knowing I am not being delayed or denied, but that I am being prepared and readied for a pure and true and steadfast and rewarding love: good enough to qualify for you.

I still wonder how I will meet you. I imagine a lot of things, particularly in that regard — your face, abilities, stillness, your acquaintance with life-giving grace, and your introspective nature. I am inkling how much I will want to learn from you, befriend you, and walk through life with you.

I want you to know that although I do not know you yet, I am forever thankful for you.

So until the day we meet, I will continue to pray for you and love you with my body, mind and spirit. And I will continue to pursue God’s heart as He transforms and prepares mine for yours.

Love,

Your future husband.

At the end of the day, a man feels compelled to share what he learned in his life. It is this secret fear that we are unlovable that isolates us, but it is only because we are isolated that we think we are unlovable.

So here’s my wish for you. Someday you will be driving down the road, and someday you will make a wrong turn or a detour. And at the end of the road when you least expect it, a person will be there. And this person will be a home to you. And in that home, there will be love. And in this home, there will be sorrow and joy. And in this home, there will be sickness and health, and better and worse and everything under the sun. But that home will be yours forever and ever….!!

         

🏁🏁

Dei Profundis

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